Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ category

A Thank you to those who saved my life

November 2, 2007

As many of you are aware, I have been going through a religious crisis. Questioning my faith, almost to the point of leaving. But if it wasn’t for a few people, A life story in the December Watchtower, And me listening to that open mind that almost killed me in the first place I wouldn’t have come to this realization

It came to me last night. I was a the Kingdom hall trying to pay attention to the speaker during the service meeting, (Which is rather hard to do at time mainly due to the way this brother gives talks. He is very monotoned) and My mind kept wandering so I decided that I was going to at least try to focus my attention on something useful so I pulled out the latest watchtower that I had sneaked from the literature counter, (They hadn’t even been passed out yet so I was the first to get it) and I started reading the Life story.

The Life story was the one part of the Watchtower I looked forward to. I have every one of them I could get my hands on. But while reading this life story something hi me like a brick wall. The first was the realization of the unity among our brothers and sisters. I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t really noticed it. I new we had a bond unlike most religions but as to the full effect I was unaware untill yesterday. The seconded was finally understanding why I had wanted to be a missionary my whole life. My want to be one was questioned a few weeks ago. I was no longer sure if I wanted to be just to say I was one, or if it was because I want to help people.  I am sure now. It was defiantly the latter. I was so sure that I was tearing up. Both of these thing hit me to hard and at the same time for me to be able to handle it. I spent the next 15 minutes outside the kingdom hall sifting through these emotions.

I thought of myself as a failer for doubting Jehovah God. His organization. I still don’t believe that they are in union with him but there is to much unity here for it not to be Jehovah’s organization. I am felling better now. I am going out in the ministry tomorrow, going to start that special awake, cant wait. So thanks again to every one. My congregation, Those who emailed me giving me strengh and finally Jack Pramberg who’s life story saved my life.

on the lighter side of things

October 26, 2007

I think I’ll change pace. I’m getting tires of worrying and I think I’ll blog about something else. Its been my dream since I was eight or nine to write my own book. At first it was going to be a great American novel. Written in the style of something that you might see Tim Burton would do. (he is my favorite producer) but then my interest changed. It is now a want to write a children’s book and conspiratorial history book. The latter will probaly never happen just based on the thought that the end is just around the corner and the new world order thats going to come before armeggidon is going to prevent me from completeing it. But the childrens book is almost half way done. I’m working off an idea that I have had for over a year. I’m not going to post any of the book right now, not untill I get it copyrighted but it should be on store shelfs soon enough.

Calming down

October 25, 2007

I’ve calmed down a little from my religious crises. I don’t think its my place to talk about exactly what the wbtcs is doing. I would hate to stumble another witness. This is something best left unsaid. But I cant get over the fact of what there doing. I know there imperfect but what they are doing is just plain wrong. They know its wrong (how could they not) and they continue to do it. I’m just rambling off again. I have to get these things off my chest. There is only one person I can talk to about this and I haven’t seen him in a few days. I got a really nice comment on this and she makes some good points that I am trying to reason with and accept. She suggested that I make a list of everything that was bothering me then find out what is essential to true religion. I’ll do that by using the bible of course. I’m going to get started in a few minutes. Just want to make another post first.

I had alot of thinking to do

October 22, 2007

Life seems unreal. One minute I’m so sure about my faith, the next I’m ready to leave my religion. I don’t even know what to believe anymore. What I do know is that the WBTC is not in union with God. I the reason I know this is based on what they are doing. 1 John 1:5 says: “God is light, and there is no darkness at all in union with him.” verse 6 goes on tho say something like this: “If the are saying that they are with god but are practicing darkness than they are liars and are not practicing the truth.” (I don’t remember exactly what it said but this is close enough.) But the only reason I haven’t left this organization is based on something that Jesus said. I wish I could remember where it is at. He says: Practice what the Pharisees teach. not what they do. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I no longer trust anything that come out of the branch. When I get home I’m going to do allot of praying, begging Jehovah God for holy spirit so I can discern the lies from the truth. Then I’m taking my bible and I’m going to study it the way every Christan should. I’ll figure out what to do soon  enough. Pray for me.

Back to an old Passion

April 30, 2007

That seems like a good title for the way I’m feeling right now. I used to blog allot. just about everyday, and I loved every minute of it. It was in many ways a way of life. Not a way of life that effects the way I talk and think and act. But a way of life that effects the way feel. The way……I cant really explain it. I just was happy telling complete strangers my everyday life. The conversations I would have with myself. The arguments my mnd would come up with. My friends and foes. The battles I go through every day with my Tourettes Syndrome. You’ll most likly read about that allot. Its a constant struggle for controll. I also plan on talking about my faith. I’m a Jehovah’s Witness. I was baptized the day before I turned sixteen. But thats another post. I have to go for now. I’m working on my #4 for this thursday. Some of you will know what that means. For those who dont. Keep checking back.